What exactly is considered cheating? Will it be cheating to deliver a picture that is naked? To view porn? A psychologist and sexologist in Florida to develop feelings for someone else? “Betrayal is defined by the betrayed,” says Barbara Winter, Ph.D. To phrase it differently, it is a thing—what that is highly personal as cheating in a single relationship may be completely cool within the next. As a whole, «research suggests that guys are more distressed by intimate cheating while women can be more troubled by psychological cheating,” says Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist and relationship mentor in ny. “Either type might have a negative effect on the partnership.”

The important things is you and your spouse agree with a concept of cheating before somebody eventually ends up feeling betrayed. Consider what you think about cheating (and exactly why), claims Liz Powell, Ph.D., a psychologist, writer, and presenter in Oregon. Then have frank and discussion that is open which of the definitions are versatile and that are non-negotiable.

To find out what cheating actually seems like, Glamour talked with 10 ladies about infidelity and just exactly what it appears to be love to cheat and also to be cheated on.

“I became in a relationship where my boyfriend would constantly text other girls which he liked them—platonically. It made me feel uncomfortable because several of those girls had been ladies he’d previously dated. I was made by it recognize that anything your partner does which makes you’re feeling uncomfortable should really be addressed along with your actions should really be validated. A person who isn’t in an open-relationship ought not to be emotionally dedicated to other ladies, or talking to them 24/7 unless their partner communicates that is ok using them.”— Bonnie, 24

“It starts with a kiss that you do not break away from. I became approached by a stylish colleague at a work occasion away, and although We came back it to start with, I pulled away. In my experience, that constitutes that I didn’t cheat.”— Su-Jit, 34

“Cheating is lying. My spouse and I had been in a fruitful available relationship for 2 yrs, where we both frequently flirted with and slept along with other individuals. That worked effectively we could share for us—we communicated about our feelings, maintained the guardrails around our relationship, and always came back to each other happier and delighted that this was something. Then, during a hard duration in my own life where I happened to be struggling and pressing my partner away rather than relying on him, he got a part of a lady whom from the beginning ended up being disrespectful regarding the boundaries to which we had agreed. She addressed him the real means you will do somebody you have simply started dating—texting plenty, flirting on a regular basis, and usually acting as if we was not an issue. Even if we indicated that the problem had become exceptionally painful for me personally and I also desired him to quit seeing her, he declined. Frustrated and suspicious, we examined the Instagram of a lady he had been after who i did not understand, and found that on a night he explained he had been home that is staying work, he previously in reality escorted one other woman he’d been seeing to her legislation college formal. The picture of these together ended up being therefore heartbreaking—they seemed to your entire globe like a delighted few, and obviously, he previously no pity about presenting them as a result to her buddies or ours, even while he maintained that their main relationship ended up being beside me. He lied if you ask me over over over repeatedly about where he had been investing their energy and time, in which he lied to himself in what their choices implied and exactly how they impacted me personally. It had been the lying that managed to make it cheating, perhaps perhaps perhaps not the intercourse.”— Kara, 33

“I happened to be married once I ended up being young and, throughout the 2nd 12 months of my marriage, I became really depressed and begun to match by having a vintage boyfriend. We cheated. We started out supporting one another by phone distance that is long but that resulted in two in-person visits during which we’d intercourse. It absolutely was apparent right away it absolutely was an affair that is emotional but I became too depressed to actually care. We had been incompatible and may n’t have hitched within the place that is first there is a great deal force positioned on us to marry young—sex away from wedding ended up being considered therefore taboo. The event had been the consequence of all that stress and I also divorced my hubby because of this. I would personally have liked to keep the partnership utilizing the individual I cheated with (it nevertheless pains us to acknowledge I cheated; I became super strict and a rule-follower my life time) nonetheless it ended up being a long-distance relationship plus it became too hard and sad.”— Marie, 42

“An ex of mine kissed another girl at an event after flirting along with her all night. Which was the time that is first cheated. The time that is second a comparable tale, additionally the 3rd attack ended up being whenever I learned he’d been taking another girl on times. I do not think any such thing physical happened, but I’m not sure for certain. Many of these plain things happen during a period whenever we weren’t really intimate but he currently had one foot out of the home. The very fact with me was the worst part that he was talking to other girls and getting physical with some of them when he was still. Truly cheating, without doubt about any of it.”— Katie, 24

“My husband of 20+ years always traveled a lot for company, he got a new client and started traveling there half a dozen times a year or more so I didn’t think much when. After those types of trips, he delivered me personally a contact to inform me he ‘wasn’t pleased’ within our wedding but we nevertheless did not put it altogether. We thought we could fix with counseling given that we’d been together since college and had two lovely children together that it was something. Ultimately, he left our kids and me personally and then we divorced. Following the divorce or separation had been final, I realized which he ended up being seeing a much more youthful woman whom coincidentally lived in this destination he’d gone to significantly more than 20 times into the previous two and a half years. The pieces began coming together that he dragged his feet to come home and help with, the fact that he had suddenly decided to learn a new language (she doesn’t speak English), the inordinate amount of business he had in this town where I’d been with him before, but he never wanted me to accompany him to anymore for me at that point: the family emergency we had when he was in away. It had been apparent I would been changed very very long before he left us.”— Glynis, 47

Irina Gonzalez is just a freelance author and editor located in Florida addressing meals, health, relationships, travel, and Latinx tradition. Follow her on Instagram at @msirinagonzalez.